Woman discovers boyfriend hid £1800 he got from his mom, she demands they put it towards a house, he refuses: 'The money is a gift to me'

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Mar 21, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

When a couple becomes serious, there should be a big shift in how each of them views their financial situation.

Like it or not, sharing your life with someone also means sharing your money, for better or worse. You are both equally responsible for rent, a mortgage, bills, utilities, and everything in between. You can find different ways to handle that financial responsibility, but you can't shy away from the fact that it is something you must do together.

When it comes to gifts, however, it gets a little bit tricky. If one of you gets a birthday gift for example, and it comes in the form of money, who does this money belong to? Is it just the birthday person, or is it also something that must be shared with the partner? How do you decide what to do with that money, and how to handle it altogether?

Well, there is no right or wrong in this scenario, but there should be complete transparency, which is something the couple in the story below failed to have.

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  • The man who wrote this story was gifted a generous sum of money from his mom, and he decided not to tell his girlfriend about it. Instead, he decided alone on what to do with the money and did it all behind her back.

    Eventually, the girlfriend did find out about the gift, and she was not happy to hear about what her partner did with it without letting her have a say.

    Who do you think is right in this situation? Scroll down to read the full story and let us know in the comments below.

  • 01
    "We're supposed to be a couple"
    via towfiqu barbhuiya
  • 02

    "AITA for refusing to let my partner decide how I have to spend my gift?"

    I live with my girlfriend and we have been together for just under four years. My mum recently decided to give me £1800.
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 03
    I had decided to save the majority of it but spend some if it on things for myself. I decided to get some new clothes, some new books, video games and then a night away for my gf and I.
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 04
    After this I would be left with around £1300 to save. My girlfriend and I went to my mums house at the weekend and she mentioned the money.
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 05
    At this point I hadn't told my girlfriend so it came as a shock to her. When we got home she asked what I was doing with the
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 06
    money. I told her what I had planned. She mentioned that we were saving for a house within the next 4-5 years so mentioned the money would be good to go towards that.
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 07
    I reiterated that I had already told her how it would be spent. I said part of the money saved will go into my savings account specifically for the house but that the majority would go into my general savings account.
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 08
    She said I'm not taking it seriously saving up for a house but I just pointed out that I have been regularly putting away money all year and will continue to do so but this was
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 09
    a gift and I'd like to be able to actually enjoy it. She said if I wasn't putting it towards a house then it could pay for our holiday next March.
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 10
    I said no and stated again what it was for. I reminded her that the money is a gift to me yet she thinks she can say exactly how I should be spending it.
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 11
    She just said she was thinking of us but I reminded her that the money is paying for us to go away for the night so it's not like she's getting nothing but she's being quite entitled.
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 12
    She just said she should be involved in the decision but I disagreed as the money was a gift to me. She just said I wasn't treating her like a partner and that
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 13
    we're supposed to be a couple so she should be considered when I'm spending the money but I just again said she was being entitled and quite selfish. AITA for deciding how to spend the gift I was given?
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
  • 14
    ptheresadactyl This is how I personally feel about monetary gifts. If you are unmarried, and the gift was addressed to one person, it is that persons money to handle.
    via ptheresadactyl
  • 15
    If the gift was intended for or addressed to both partners, decisions should be made together. Gifts made to married couples belong to both partners.
    via ptheresadactyl
  • 16
    My partner was gifted 25k from his grandparents, and I said f all about it. It was gifted to him, we're not married. Your mom gave you a gift and I think it's yours to do with what you please.
    via ptheresadactyl
  • 17
    100 FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE LB 48446502L ONE HUNDRED DOLLARN B UNITED STATES OFAMERICA B2 100 for better te 100 100 LB 48446502 for Sarthe his 100 100 DOL 100
    via mykolasosiukin
  • 18
    Blond Dee1970 NTA if it was a gift just to you. But.... I cannot imagine being with someone for four years and not mentioning receiving a gift of $1800. Your mom obviously
    via BlondDee1970
  • 19
    believed you had already told your girlfriend about the gift. Your girlfriend was probably caught off guard and embarrassed by the situation. To her you now look shady. You also make no mention of how
    via BlondDee1970
  • 20
    you split finances, whether you have debts or why your mom randomly gave you $1800. Was the actual intent for both of you? If yes then you are TA.
    via BlondDee1970
  • 21
    pretty_pregnant_lady NTA I honestly only see entitlement on her part. It's not like you said no to saving for the house and things but I also see control like your gf is trying to control how you spend your
    via pretty_pregnant_lady
  • 22
    money and your gifts when she has no say in it. The only time in my opinion that your partner has a right to discuss how money is spent is when 1) you are living together and 2) you
    via pretty_pregnant_lady
  • 23
    are married but even then it does not include money like gifts and inheritance that is a privilege to be involved in.
    via pretty_pregnant_lady
  • 24
    Hoagy72 Your girlfriend has a point, but it is your money. The real point is if you guys can't agree on this simple financial thing, then you will have a lifetime of arguing over money. She's not asking to p: the money away on herself.
    via Hoagy72
  • 25
    She's asking to save for a house for the both of you. If your girlfriend wins the lottery next week for real big money, will you still have the same attitude?
    via Hoagy72
  • 26
    Remote-Passenger 7880 I'm just stuck on the fact that you didn't tell your long term partner about it. Yall are prepping to buy a house together but you can't talk about finances?
    via Remote-Passenger7880

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